In August of 2009, Aaron and I were thrilled to find out we were expecting our first baby. We nervously sought out a doctor near our new Colorado home. I read everything I could about pregnancy, joined online chat rooms, and ordered numerous fun baby things from Amazon. Each day that passed, we grew more excited. In October 2009, we saw something that we will never forget – the heartbeat of our growing baby. It was so fast and so wonderful. We were both brought to tears. The doctor told us that the baby looked perfect.
Three short days later; however, we learned things were not perfect. After some pain, we visited the doctor again. We were scared and unsure what was going on.
We were so excited and so devastated all in one week. We packed up all the books and cards from family and friends along with the ultrasound photos and put them in a box. We labeled it, “Angel Baby.”
After that loss, I ended up in the hospital for quite awhile due to an infection that I got after my miscarriage. After 5 days in the hospital, I quickly returned for another surgery to remove some cysts. The healing was pretty fast, but emotionally we still felt bruised. In February 2010, our new doctor gave us the green light to try to conceive again with their help. Cautiously, we prayed and decided to try again.
In March 2010, we were thrilled to learn we were expecting again. This time was going to be different. We had a lot more knowledge, we had new doctors, and we were emotionally ready. In late April 2010, we got to see our baby’s heartbeat on the ultrasound. Again, it was the most beautiful thing we had ever seen. We were sad about our angel, but we were excited that the Lord blessed us with another chance. Again the doctor proclaimed that the baby looked perfect!
A few days later, we found ourselves back in the doctor’s office. While we tried to remain optimistic, we recognized this visit from before.
Where are we now?
I still don’t know the answers to those questions. All I know is that our baby boy was gone. They started me on a drug treatment and I have since endured possibly every test known to man. I have felt like a pin cushion and a lab rat. I never minded, though because I knew we were looking for ways for us to get our miracle. Throughout the months with the specialist, we have had a lot of discovery, a lot of frustration, a lot of chaos, a lot of emotion, more loss, more pain, and more sadness. We have gone through all the infertility treatments and methods to get pregnant, but none of them have worked. Now we are left with my bad eggs and Aaron’s funny shaped sperm that can’t break through my eggs. All this together makes it nearly impossible to conceive.
Our doctor believes that we could be successful with in-vitro fertilization (IVF). With IVF, the doctor will be able to examine the eggs to find a good one and he will be able to fertilize the egg with Aaron’s sperm. There is no guarantee that I will have good eggs or that this will be successful, but there is a chance that it could work out. And…a chance is all we have. We know that God is powerful and we know he has put wonderful people, like our doctor, on this earth to provide hope. Science can help us, but we know that God will make this happen.
While we are encouraged by this chance and are optimistic that this last chance might provide us with the child we are longing for, we are up against the clock. Due to my egg quality, my reserve is low. The doctor recommends that we move forward with the IVF as soon as possible. IVF provides miracles for many couples in similar situations, but it has a high cost.
How can you help us?
Donations. We cannot do this without some financial help. Even if you can only give $10, we so appreciate the help. That $10 might turn into a baby for us, which is the strongest desire in our hearts right now. If you cannot donate, we understand that, too. I battled with deciding if we should ask for financial help. It makes us vulnerable to put our story out there, but at the end of the day, we cannot do it without help. So, we humbly ask for it.
I read a blog post recently by Elisabeth Rohm, who is an actress on Law & Order. She wrote this passage that spoke exactly how we feel.
Aaron and I strongly desire to have a family, but it cannot come naturally for us. We appreciate you coming along on this journey with us. We appreciate your love and support all the way! We are blessed because we get to invite you to help us make a baby!